So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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