Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
