I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Actually new year, new me. I havenโt had sex yet so technically Iโve been a virgin all year.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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