I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
