rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
