According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
