Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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