I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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