i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
