My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
