So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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