Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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