Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
