I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
