Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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