Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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