That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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