two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
