Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
