If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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