Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize