I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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