If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
