sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
