they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
