There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
