Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
