I don't remember. Are we still dating?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
