allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
