After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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