somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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