I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
