you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
