I just pynch a tree in the face
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
