Sry I called you an 8
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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