I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
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Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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