I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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