I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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