im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
