hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
