my room smells like sperm. sweet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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