I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
