he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
