i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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