i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
