Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
