so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
