he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
