She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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