she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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