Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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