I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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