So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
