You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
