I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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