found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i out mim tonsoeep
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