i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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