You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bring me that man meat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
