margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
