Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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