Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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