we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
