Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
