My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Welp...herpes.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
