theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
