That's intense
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
