WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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