No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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