My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
